So why is the Star Wars theme song going through my head? I have no clue. Why is a million ideas, and thought, and eagerisms, and planningisms, and all these other "isms" going through my head? I don't know... it could have to do with the fact I leave for Kenya in fewer than 17 days... Hmmm perhaps... :)
So God revealed a little more to me about my trip last night. Last night was not only the Northern Hemisphere's "holiday" called Halloween, but it was "Light Night" at our church. It's a wonderful and powerful night dedicated to just praising and thanking the one, true, God.
The night was so awesome! As the last song began I could feel the Spirit of God so close to me. We were singing "Your Grace Is Enough". Moments of the song I was singing, other moments were spent listening, and other moments, praying. In the midst of doing all three, this line from the song struck me:
"You use the weak to lead the strong."
It hit me like a sucker punch to the gut. Only without the painful "wind getting knocked out of me" feeling. But really. I was like "WOW GOD!!!" All this time, if you were to ask me why I was going to Kenya, I would tell you, "Because God is sending me to help children (that I don't know) and women (perhaps teaching a Bible study) and maybe do some other things that I don't know yet. But as I heard these words, I realized I got it ALL WRONG!
Now if you watch the patterns of God, He usually does things very backwards from the ways we feel things should be done. Forcing us to continually open our hands and let God do His will as we follow along in His limelight and just submit ourselves in obedience. But this time, I really got it wrong.
Now, I'm not saying God ISN'T going to use me. I'm just saying I got the whole idea of what's going to happen there a little backwards. You see, I believe and know God is working to bring me to this place. A place of submission, a place of trust, and a place of continually following Him no matter what obstacle is dropped on me next. And in this case, He's sending me to Kenya to be changed.
I believe God is going to use me to influence, encourage, and plant a seed for Kenyan lives to be changed. But, I believe He's also sending me there to be changed by those people as well. He's going to use the weak, He's going to use the poor, He's going to use the heavy-burdened to change my life. To change the strong. To change the rich. To change the one who has nothing to fear, no worry to dwell on, and no life to dread the next day.
This is what God is sending me for: to be changed--to be led by the weak.
You know what the word "lead" means?
1.
to go before or with to show the way; conduct or escort
2.
to conduct by holding and guiding
3.
to influence or induce; cause
4.
to guide in direction, course, action, opinion, etc.
God, you are going to use the people of Kenya to "go before and show me the way", "to guide", "to influence or induce a greater cause" in me, "to guide me in a direction" towards you that I have yet to experience. WOW! And I thought I was going to help those who have nothing. When really I am the one who has nothing. Though, I have all the riches of the world, if I seek not you or have you first, then I am as poor and lost as the one who never knew you to begin.
God, I just ask that you use the people of Kenya to change me. Lord, that I will be willing to accept those changes. That it will impact my life and my relationship with you so mightily that I will not even recognize the person who returns home. God I don't want to just change. I want to be transformed, "to undergo a change in form, appearance, or character".
God, don't let me be the same. God, I beg you that you use the weak to lead me. God, show me what weakness is. Lord, I know its a huge sacrifice to ask what it is to know weakness. And Lord, I ask that you reveal it to me as my heart is ready. You know when I'll be ready. I want to be used by you! But if you have to use the weak, then God I want to be weak.
.::Kenya's Calling::.
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